I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
