I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
