READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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