drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I deserve this hangover.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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