Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
