thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
