Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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