Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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