Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
