he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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