whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
