What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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