saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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