i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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