When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
