My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
