We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
