chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
