Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
