i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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