Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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