Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
