New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
