mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
