I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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