Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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