I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
