I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
