Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize