We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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