just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
