Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize