yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
