I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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