I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
