Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
