I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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