One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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