theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
