Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
