So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
