i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
