My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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