My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
