I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize