Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
