Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your penis caused this!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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