She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize