At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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