If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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