You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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