Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
