I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
