This is not my ceiling
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
