I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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