Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
