remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
