Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
