she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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