I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
