Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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