Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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