its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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