I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
