Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize