i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
