you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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