I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
