Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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