You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
