I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
